also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
