I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
