Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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