it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm too high and old for this...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
