So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
