fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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