3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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