piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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