his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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