It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
