Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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