She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
