It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize