I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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