You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
