I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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