I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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