Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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