he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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