it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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