just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
