Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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