So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
