I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
