btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
