Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
