My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
