Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
