Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
