new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
