im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
