Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
