LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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