I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if only i could text you this smell
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize