OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I deserve this hangover.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
