Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize