Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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