I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
