I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
