Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
