Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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