My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
