Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
