I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
