Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
