Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
