I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize