I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
