i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
