and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
