It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
