8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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