I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
