even my farts smell like vagina
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So vagazzling was a success
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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