Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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