you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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