Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
