sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
