Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
