is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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