God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize