I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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