hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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