who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
