Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
