then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
