I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
