can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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