so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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