You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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