can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
