smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
