It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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