The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
